Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Day 119 of 365: In Memorandum


This was my mom, Mary Lynn Saturn, in a crowd of of 500+ employees for Highlights for Children magazine during a company picnic in 1995. It was taken about 6 months before she passed away. I now own the fully framed and matted copy of the photo, given to me by some of the admin people when I worked for the same company several years later. It's one of a small handful of photos I even possess of my mother as she absolutely hated having her photo taken. I think in turn it's partly the reason why I'm constantly with camera in hand -- I'm afraid to miss capturing one moment of people I love in my life.

Today happens to be my mom's birthday -- she would have turned 57. It's so hard for me to imagine what she would have been like. No doubt she would have still been as witty and hilarious. My friends always seemed to like her a lot and everyone I speak to now who knew her has many fond memories.

I go through this every year on her birthday and the 15th of December mostly. She was wonderful to me and my only regret is that the last memories she had of me was as a snarky teenager (if only I would have known).

I think sometimes in our lives we take people for granted and think they will be in our lives forever. Even when my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer I was certain she was strong enough to pull through. And it was true that she was strong, the strongest person to this day I knew (and still know), but in the end it just wasn't enough. I've come to terms with things the older I have gotten and I realize that life is simply too short, as cliche as it may sound. Anyone who has lost a parent or someone close to them easily understands this concept. People should really appreciate one another more while they're still here rather than waste precious moments on stubborn bitterness, jealousy, and hate, and then wish they would have done differently when it's too late. I consider myself lucky to have had the time to evaluate things in my life and I now try to pick my battles. I want to live life in a way that would make my mother proud, a way that she would have continued to choose if given another chance.

My mom may not be physically here for me to wish her a happy birthday, but she still lives deep in my very soul and I feel she knows. I look forward to the day when Matt & I have children of our own to pass down the same love, respect, and kindness she showed to me and others who knew her.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I'm loving and missing you always. xx

6 comments:

FutureMrsC said...

This made me cry, Meg. You're one tough, caring cookie. You must've gotten those qualities from your Mom. *hugs*

UK Christine =^..^= said...

*hugs*

Elynor said...

*hugs*

Elizabeth Harper said...

What a tender post. I'm so sorry you lost your mother at such a young age. I hope you don't spend too much time over the regrets of youth and how you were as a teen.

The thing about being the mother of a teenager is even when they're being snarky you know that snarky behavior is an important step in the separation needed in a mother- daughter relationship. I'm sure she knew that too.

It's lovely how you remember her and honor her memory by living fully each day.

sevans said...

I sorry for your loss.

Smocha said...

I'm so sorry too. I didn't know that about your mom.
My dad also died of colon cancer. He was 65. I had thought he was "old" my entire life. But man, 65 was young.
I hope you have a lovely "mother figure " in your life right now. We still need those, no matter how old we get.