Y5 - 6/365: Judgment Day

I'm fairly certain every parent goes through a day, week, month or period such as this. Their child is doing something they're not proud of and they don't mention it to others, especially other parents, for the fear of being judged. But why is this? Shouldn't we stick together as parents and support one another? Why should we be made to feel like we don't do enough to discipline our children? You know about the looks you get when your child starts screaming bloody murder in the middle of Toys R Us. Those stares you get that tell you, 'yeah, you have THAT child.'

The thing is, Ryan is lovely MOST of the time. He's very loving and empathetic -- empathy being something many children his age don't grasp. He's surely not perfect by any means, but when he is good he is SO good! That said, when he is bad...oh boy! Look out!

Matt and I were pushed to our limit tonight. Any discipline/consequence lately seems to get frustrated screaming from him that would shake any adult to the core. I have to take a breath before I intervene or decide to ignore. "Terrible Twos" has nothing on the threes. Thankfully my studies on child development help me understand the 'why' to all of these new displays of defiance from our son, but they certainly don't assist with my own patience and one thing is for sure, my child may have episodes where he tantrums or behaves in a way that we are not teaching him, but I can assure you we DO take care of it and let him know it's not acceptable. I just hope he will learn eventually.

Then, as fast as the nasty behaviour began, he's sitting on my lap and sweetly reading 'The Snowman' with me as if none of it ever happened...

...right before he pulls a 3-hour standoff and refuses to go to bed.

Lord! Grant me serenity! Also, thank you for making my child cute...it's working in his favour at the moment.

Y4 - 223/365: A New Regime

Little Bunny has now realised there are some set rules in the house to "play by." Lately it seems he has been exercising his independence more and more, daring to give us a defiant "no" when we tell him to do something. Not long ago we purchased a blue, circular rug for the purpose of issuing time-outs when he tests the boundaries. He found out pretty quickly that he didn't like this "time-out" malarky and he showed us his displeasure in the form of screams, fits and...wait for it...head banging. Oh yeah, it seems we have THAT kid.

The first time he ever did it, it shocked both me and Matt and I know Matt was ready to jump in and intervene. I reminded Matt that he was only doing it for attention and if we gave it now, it would only show Ryan that we had a limit and would eventually gave in. No, we had to stay firm. So we ignored it. Now he has gotten to the point where he will actually say, "I calm down now," after seconds earlier giving the performance worthy of an Emmy.

In addition to the time-out, Matt and I discussed some actual rules to have set in place. Supernanny, Jo Frost (of whom I am a big fan), says in her book Confident Toddler Care that you should post a list of rules you want your child to follow, even if they can't read, because they're a reminder to us and help us stay consistent. They should be simple and there should be as many rules as their age (Ryan is nearly 2.5, so we gave him 3). This way, Ryan only really gets put on the time-out spot when he has broken one of these three rules, and they pretty much apply to anything.

Of course, this doesn't mean our problems are solved and he is suddenly an obediant child. He will break these rules over and over, and sometimes even right after he's been placed in time-out for one. But it is important that we stick to them and consistently give him his consequence when he doesn't comply. This is the only way to teach him that Mommy & Daddy mean business and there are certain behaviours that are unacceptable.

We have our work cut out for us, but at least we have the tools in place to deal with it and Ryan will be a better person for the consistency and structure.